What Not to do at The Council of Elrond
by BubbleGumYum10
Summary: When Legolas of Mirkwood left his home, bound for the council of Elrond, his father wrote for him a list of things that he is not allowed to do while there. But, due to reasons, he never actually had a chance to read this list. Read on to find out what chaos takes place at the Council of Elrond.
1. Chapter 1- So it begins

**This is utter crack. Seriously, do not take anything in here seriously. But, on the other hand, it's a heck of a lot of fun to write. **

**Lord of the Rings belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien. **

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When Prince Legolas of Northern Mirkwood left for the council of Elrond in Rivendell, it marked the first time that he had been that far from home in the last 300 years or so. Because of this, his father, King Thranduil, stayed up late into the night, and finally, on the morning that his son was to set off, he slipped a small scroll into one of his bags of supplies. And, as Legolas mounted his horse and sped away from his home in the forest, King Thranduil looked out the window of his thrown room and only hoped that his son would have the decency to read, and follow through with what he had written the night before...but, it really was a long shot...at best.

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In his room in the halls of Rivendell, Legolas frowned as he pulled a scroll from one of his bags.

"I do not recall packing this for the journey," he mumbled to himself in fluent Sidarin. "Ada must have put it here." His keen, blue eyes looked it over as he turned it around in his pale hands. Finally, he unrolled it and prepared to read the contents when a voice called out to him from outside his closed door.

"Legolas, son of Thranduil, I should appreciate it very much if you would come down, for the council is to start soon."

Noticing the voice as being that of Elrond's, the young elf prince quickly rolled the scroll back up and put it back in the bag, pushing it underneath his bed. He then ran to the door, and tried not to let his excitement show as he gladly accepted the elf lord's invitation.

As the two walked to the dining hall, the thought of simply sitting with so many prominent figures of Middle Earth history that he had heard stories of, and those that he had yet to met, quickly pushed all other thoughts and things from his mind. Including that of the small scroll.

But, for all those who are curious as to the contents of the scroll, here is the beginning paragraph, written, of course, in Sindarin.

**_"I, Prince Legolas, will not do these specified actions, or anything close to being these specified actions, while at Rivendell, unless given specific instructions to do so by Elrond, or my father, King Thranduil. If I do for some foolish reason choose to without instruction, I will be returned home, stripped of my weapon and rank, and locked in my quarters until Dwarves learn to fly."_**

The list of "specified actions," is as follows...


	2. Chapter 2- I speak for the trees!

**Hehehehehehe**

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_**1. I will not pretend that the trees are calling other members of the council undesirable things.**_

Legolas had just finished explaining how it had come for Gollum to escape from Mirkwood undetected, and before Gandalf had a chance to speak, a dwarf by the name of Gimli, son of Gloin, whispered to his father what he thought no one else could hear, "Of course the elves would have something to do with all of this madness."

Legolas jumped up from his chair, his booted feet hitting the ground below loudly. He pointed a finger at the dwarf in question and yelled out loudly in the Common Tounge.

"Silence your mouth you- you hairy pig!"

There were shouts of exasperation and disbelief. The shock of one race insulting the other so loudly, no matter how bad the aleged insult was, in the council of Elrond of all places was so large that Sam nearly fell from his chair.

Elrond stood up. "Legolas! We will not say such things at this council!"

Legolas looked at him with a blank face and then pointed to a tree a few feet away. "But, I was simply translating for the tree." At this everyone who wasn't already looking at the elf prince turned their heads in his direction.

He walked over to the tree that he had pointed at and put one pointed ear to the trunk. All was silent as he stood there. Then, he removed his ear from the trunk and said, "And now, the tree is saying that Gimli, son of Gloin, is an emotionless rock with the worst hair style in Middle Earth."

Gimli jumped up as well and raised his axe in anger as he stomped over to the elf. He roared, "How dare you!" Legolas put a finger up to silence him, and then stepped over to a tree to the right. He put his ear to this one as well, and then looked back at Gimli. "This one says you smell worse than an orc...oh, oh and that you kind of look like one, just a lot fatter."

It didn't come as a big surprise when Gimli charged toward Legolas with a roar. Legolas dodged and the axe sliced through the tree, knocking the entire top half off. There were more gasps, and Elrond looked ready to have someone beheaded. But, before he could say anything, Legolas went down on his knees and clutched his chest.

"It is saying, "Nooooo! How could have I been slain by such a foul beast?! I should like to at least have talked to that lovely Mirkwood elf with the pretty hair once more before I was chopped down by that oversized letter opener!"

Gimli abandoned his axe altogether and jumped onto the elf, knocking them both over and onto the ground. While he attempted to strangle Legolas, said elf called out, "I am Legolas, son of Thranduil, and I speak for the trees!"


	3. Chapter 3- The Beauty of Legolas

**Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. **

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**_2. I will not cut off Arwen's hair while she sleeps, because she might be a little bit prettier than me._**

The halls of Rivendell were dark and quiet, for it was the dead of the night, and with much to do and discuss the following morning, all visitors and dwellers had retired for the night. Well, all accept one certain elf prince by the name of Legolas Greenleaf. This visitor to Rivendell was creeping along the hallway, his back to the wall, looking left and right every now and then. His elf feet made no sound at all as he made his way to the room at the end of the hall.

Once he made it to his location, he looked side to side once more, and even up and down for good measure, and then opened the door to the room and slinked inside carefully. Legolas made sure to shut the door as quietly as he had opened it, and then looked around at shapes of the elvish furniture that decorated the room. His keen eyes quickly made out the sleeping form on the large canopy bed in the center of the room.

He chuckled evilly and tiptoed over to the bed. There lay Arwen, daughter of Elrond. Legolas pouted and removed one of his knives and then slowly picked up Arwen's long, raven black locks in one hand. He then sliced the top of her hairline, sending all the rest of her hair tumbling onto the bed.

Legolas returned his knife and then walked to the exit.

"That'll teach you to be prettier than me. Galadriel, watch out, you're next."

"One does not simply walk into Mor-"

The doors leading to the council room were thrown open, and a furious elvin lady charged in. No one recongnized her at first, not even her father. This is because her usually long, glorious hair was so short that it barely reached her pointed ears. Her face was red with anger, and in her hands she carried her cut off locks.

Elrond, after have recognized her, stood up and walked over to her. "Arwen? What on Middle Earth happened to you?"

She was breathing heavily when she replied. "A certain council member, I would assume, grew to be a bit jealous." But even as she said this, her eyes landed on Legoals, who was twirling his own blonde hair around on one finger.

In reply, Legolas looked over to where Aragorn sat and said. "Aragorn! How could you?! I'm sure that your hair would have grown to that lenght in due time!" Once he realized that no one was going to believe that Aragorn cut off Arwen's hair, he looked to Gimli. "Gimli! How could you?! Even with her hair cut so horribly, her beauty is still far above your own! It's like comparing an orc to well...me."

It seemed to sink into Elrond's head what had happened and he yelled. "Legolas! What is the meaning of this?!"

Legolas jumped off of his chair and was running for the exit. "I did what had to be done! Her beauty was threatening my own!"

Many attempted to stop him, but he slipped past them.

"1-0 Mirkwoooooooooood!"


	4. Chapter 4- Ride the Aragorn!

**I wrote this after having consumed to much junkfood. Thank you everyone for the amazing reviews! They make me so happy! **

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_**3. I will not attempt to ride Aragorn. It matters not if he is known for giving the best piggy-back rides in all of Middle Earth.**_

Strider, better known to us as Aragorn, son of Arathorn, was beginning to feel just a tad bit awkward. The reason? Well, Legolas, who was seated on the other side of the circle, directly in front of him, had been staring at him since the council had begun. He hadn't noticed at first, being too preoccupied with listening to the many tales and stories being told, but when there had been a lull in the conversation he had happened to look up and what he had seen had caused him to take a quick double-take.

The prince of Mirkwood had been, and was still, giving him the most intense look that Aragorn had ever seen. His blue eyes were open wider than should have been possible, and his mouth was open in awe. And, it was more than a little disconcerting.

The Ranger shook his head and decided to ignore the elf for now, and instead focused back in on the coversation. Elrond had just begun to talk, when said elf raised his hand. Elrond stopped and looked over at Legolas, before raising an eyebrow in question.

"Yes, Legolas? Is there something that you wish to say?"

Legolas nodded seriously and then replied, "I believe that before we discuss anymore issues concering the ring, Aragorn should give me a piggy-back ride." He raised his hand once again in an indication that he wasn't done talking. "Because, I heard from a certain hobbit, son of Drodo, that Aragorn gives the best piggy-back rides in the entire Middle Earth. And I would rather be a dwarf then miss out on one of those babies and that's saying a lot."

Bilbo said, "You must have hit your head on the journey here."

An unnamed dwarf snorted and mumbled, "As if elves weren't already crazy."

Legolas stood up and pointed to the dwarf. "I will ignore that comment for now." He strolled over to Aragorn. "Now then, it will only take a few minutes of your time, dear friend."

Aragorn stood up and replied in Sindarin, "Legolas...I don't think that this is the right time for-"

Legolas ran around the ranger and was jumping up onto his back before he could finish the sentence.

"Legolas!"

"Just one ride!"

"LEGOLAS!"

"JUST ONE RIDE!"

There was a short tussle, in which Legolas managed to kick Aragorn in the face, and Aragorn ended up with more of Legolas's hair in his mouth than was socially acceptable. In the end, the elf ended up latched onto the rangers back, with said ranger holding onto both of his legs, so as to ensure that he wouldn't fall off.

The council watched as Aragorn began running around the circle of council members, going at a slow trot. Legolas managed to somehow kick Aragorn in the ribs.

"Faster! Faster!"

With a sigh, the man sped up to a run, until he was doing a full on sprint. Suddenly, two hobbits jumped onto Legolas, so that Aragorn was now carrying 3 unwanted passengers. Legolas, Merry, and Pippin laughed as Aragorn slowed down under the added weight.

"Guys..." he warned.

Suddenly, Boromir stood up from his chair, and as Aragorn passed by in front of him he too jumped.

"Dog pile on Aragorn!"

They all fell to the ground, a jumble of limbs. But, not before everyone in close proximity heard the sickening crack that came from Aragorn's back breaking.

Legolas slowly backed away from the furious ranger. "Um," he said with a serious expession, "I do believe that I left the woods on fire. Bye~!


	5. Chapter 5- The Orcs are Upon Us!

**I have no regrets. Thanks for the reviews! :D And yes, Ada does mean daddy. **

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_**4. I will not fall asleep while the council is taking place, because it would do me much good to remember that my snoring sounds like an ar****my of orcs.**_

The story of the ring had dragged on and on, for hours and hours. Those who were interested in the stories concerning it were sitting forward in their chairs, in awe and in surprise. Others, who were far less interested, or who already knew it's history, were sitting back, relaxing and waiting for the ending. And then there was Legolas.

The elf prince had fallen asleep. He was leaning forward precariously, his blue eyes closed, and his mouth open slightly, a puddle of droll forming on his tunic. No one had yet to notice him, until he started snoring, that is.

Boromir looked around him in alarm. "Are the Orcs upon us?!"

Aragorn drew his sword and stood up. "Prepare yourselves for battle!"

The dwarves, who were on one side of the room, drew their axes and the elves, who were on the other side, set arrows to their bows, using their keen eyes to spot any enemies. Frodo and the other hobbits, who really weren't supposed to be there, expect for Bilbo, that is, were huddled close to Gandalf, who had risen and lifted his staff into the air.

Then, as if right on cue, everyone turned to look at the one person who had not risen. Legolas was snoring away without a care in the world. And then he started mumbling to himself. "Hm? No Ada, I do not wish to take a bath. I do not smell like a Balrog, don't be rude!"

Aragorn turned red, because he had been the one to call for battle, and roared. "I AM GOING TO REMOVE THAT PRETTY HEAD OF HIS FROM HIS NECK!" He stomped up to Legolas and raised his blade just as Elrond grabbed him from behind.

The elf lord yelled over his curses. "Aragorn, son of Arathorn! Please be calm! As annoying as he is, I am afraid that King Thranduil would not take kindly to his only son and heir being killed at the hands of a man!"

"I CARE NOT! DIE YOU SON OF AN ELF!"

While Elrond and a few others held him back, Legolas, the cause of it all, continued to sleep, a few more words slipping out of his mouth. "No Ada! I told you that hobbits were to short for you! And besides, they do not have proper child bearing hips!"


	6. Chapter 6- Hugs and Lembas Bread

**The original idea comes from: thecrownlessagainshallbeking. If you would like to help me out a little, then please leave me some ideas in the reviews! Yay. **

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_**6. I will not, for any reason what so ever, hug Elrond. In fact, I'll just play it safe and not touch him at all.**_

-A few minutes before the Council of Elrond-

Legolas walked down the halls of Rivendell, a large frown on his face. Elrond had told him to go on ahead, and that he would join him once he finished up a few things, but as soon as he had left, Legolas had gotten utterly and completly lost.

The blonde elf stopped in the middle of a glitterly hallway and looked about him.

"Let's see...what would Ada do? Hmmm...probably behead a dwarf, but that doesn't sound like the kind of first impression I should like to make, so what else would he do? Probably feed some dwarfs to a dragon...okay, I'm just gonna go down this hall."

He turned to the left and proceeded to walk down the quiet and deserted hall when he heard it, a soft sniffle, and then the sound of sobbing. One closer inspection, Legolas could tell that it was coming from a large, wonderfully engraved door that was partially open.

"I really shouldn't...but I do a lot of stuff that I shouldn't do."

He slinked around the side of the door and looked in cautiously. Lord Elrond sat on a bed, next to the crying form of his daughter. Arwen looked devastated, tears streaming down her pale face, which was red from all the crying that she was doing.

"Ada! He is so close, and I should like ever so much to be with him!"

"Yes, my love, I know. But I have told you, it would never work for the two of you. For you are an elf, and Aragorn a man."

Arwen let out a loud sob. Her father quickly wrapped his arms around her, holding her shaking frame, whispering words of comfort. Legolas felt something in his heart snap. And quicker than a hobbit can drink a pint of beer, he ran into the room, and wrapped his arms about the two of them.

Tears were streaming down his face as well and he cried, "Ada never hugs me! He always claimed that hugs are only for babies, and stupid dwarfs! He also never alows me eat Lembas bread before dinner! And I do so enjoy Lembas bread!" He pulled out said bread and began to eat it while crying and still holding onto the two suprised elves.

"Ada thinks he is so superior simply because of that crown of his! It's not even that cool! He looks like he has a dying tree upon his head! And all of the really stylish elves stopped wearing silver tunics while the dragons were still here!"

Arwen frowned and replied, "You are wearing a silver tunic, you dunce."

Legolas looked down at himself and then burst into tears again. "Why must I be so stylish even in outdated tunics?! It is a curse! A curse!"

Elrond quickly yelled over his crying, "Guards!"

Two heavily armored elves ran into the room and each grabbed Legolas by an arm, caushing him to drop his Lembas bread. As they dragged him out of the room he called sadly, "NOOOOOO! That bread is the only reason that I am able to live out each and every horrid day! I should die without it!"

Inside the room, Arwen looked at the bread on the ground, and then curiously lifted it to her mouth and toke a bite. She smiled in content and said, "MMMM! Yummy!" She toke a few more bites.

"Hey! Hands off of my bread, bitch! Do not think that I cannot hear you eating like an orc!"


	7. Chapter 7- THE FASHION POLICE

**Thank you so so so much for the reviews! I almost died when I checked FanFiction this morning! The idea for rule seven comes from: AA-MamaBirdCat**

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_**7. I will not braid the dwarves beards. I will also not pretend to be a fashion guru while I do it.**_

"Wait just a minute!"

Gandalf stopped, mid-word, as Legolas stood up, his long blonde hair swishing to the side as he did so. "Wait just a hobbit smacking minute!" He sauntered over to where the dwarves were sitting, hands on his skinny hips.

Gandalf raised an eyebrow in question. "Yes? Legolas?"

He stopped and pointed at Gimli, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there at that moment. "That is a crime in itself! A crime punishable by death!" Everyone looked at each other in confusion.

Gandalf, massaging his temple in frustration asked, "What is?"

Legolas turned to look at him as if it were obvious. "Why, the way that he has braided his beard! It is an abomination! A catastrophe! But, have no fear for-" He did a twirl as sparkles flew off of him, and then when he stopped everyone noticed that he was now wearing bright pink sunglasses, "THE FASHION POLICE IS HERE!"

You could here a elf in the silence that followed.

Gimli smacked sparkles off of himself and replied, "Dwarves are not so petty as the elves, laddie. We have more important things to worry about than appearances."

Legolas gasped loudly and put a hand to his chest. His knees buckled and he fell to the ground, which caused many an elves present to stand up in worry, but they sat back down once Legolas started spouting nonsense.

"WHAT?! How can you possibly say that?! In this time of death, and horror, our looks are all that we have! For if we abandon fashion, then we abandon all hope..."

Gimli snorted and drank from a cup that he seemed to grab out of nowhere, spilling beer on himself in the process. Legolas gasped again and jumped up, smacking the cup out of his hand. It flew across the room and hit Boromir in the head.

Gimli yelled in anger, "What was that for you-"

Legolas clamped his hand down onto his mouth. "SSSHHHHHHHH. Let Leggy make it all better."

He pulled a pair of gloves out of his quiver and slipped them on, before grabbing the reluctant dwarves beard and starting to braid it.

-Meanwhile, with Boromir-

"Why does no one love me?!"


	8. Chapter 8- Little Leggy

**I'm gonna be busy getting ready to go back to the good ole' US of A these next few days, so I just wanted to get a chapter out real quick. Thanks for reading! :) **

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**_8. I will not remove my pants because "Little Leggy," wants to be free._**

"We must send the Ring to the Fi-"

"Legolas! Put your pants on this instant!"

Elrond stopped, his mouth open, about to say the rest of the word. He was shocked that Aragorn of all the council members would interrupt him, but he was even more shocked of what he saw as he turned around.

Aragorn stood there, standing in front of Legolas, attempting to block everyone's view of the elf prince. But, he wasn't doing a very good job, and everyone could see that he was indeed not wearing any pants, or any underwear for that matter.

Bilbo started laughing as Aragorn picked up the discarded green pants and grabbed one of Legolas' pale legs. "Put this back on right away!"

Legolas kicked Aragorn in the head with his free foot and jumped past him. "No! Littly Leggy wants to be free!"

The ranger's face turned red and he turned to grab him. "Legolas! Pants on right now!"

Legolas ran to where the dwarves sat. "You have to catch me first!"

As Aragorn ran to catch him, Gimli threw his hands over his eyes. "I am blind! Blind!"

Frodo did the same yelling, "My virgin eyes!"

Sam stared in wonder at the elf, though he said quietly to himself, "That is more elf than I ever wanted to see..."

Aragorn yelled to Boromir, "Be useful for once and help me catch him!" Boromir looked happy to be of service and as Aragorn chased Legolas, he jumped him from the side, causing the two of them to fall onto the ground, with Legolas on the bottom and Boromir on top of him.

Then, to the surprise of all, King Thranduil walked in, a parade of blonde elves following after him. "I am here to make sure that my son is being treated with the upmost respe-" He stopped, his blue eyes wideing as he toke in the scene of what looked like a big, buff man pinning his son, who seemed to be missing pants, to the ground.

Boromir turned red and jumped up. "K-king Thranduil! It's not what it looks like!"

"You little piece of moose shit," Thranduil said quietly.

Boromir raised an eyebrow at the elven king. "Moose?"

Suddenly, a large moose troted in after the king. "Moosey, attack!"

Boromir let out a scream that sounded much like a little girl and jumped off of the balcony, the moose being smart enough to stop at the edge. There was a cracking sound, and then a barely heard, "Guys? I think I broke something..."

Gandalf, who had had to put up with way to much elf shit for one day frowned and answered, "Good."

It toke a while to explain to the king what happened, and still he didn't believe that his, "little, precious angel," would do anything of the sort. So, in the end, after having made every member in the council swear to not, "deflower his baby," he mounted his moose and left. Well, at least Legolas was wearing pants now.

-With Boromir-

"Guys? Guys? I can't move my feet! Or my neck for that matter...guys?"

A bird flew over to him and perched by his face.

"Oh gods...please don't..."

The bird pecked him in the eye.

"Fucking elves!"


	9. Chapter 9- Guilty Pleasures

**Please except my most sincere apologies, oh humble readers of mine that I cannot believe that I actually possess. But, believe it or not, I do have a life outside FanFiction that needed my attention for longer than I saw fit. But, what can we do? That's life for yah. **

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_**9- I will not attempt to seduce the other members of the council to get what I want, because my father does not appreciate his son being known as the, "Tramp of Mirkwood."**_

Legolas jumped up suddenly, his hand raised in the air, a determined look on his face. "And you shall have my badass bow at your disposal!"

He was met with silence, and then Aragorn spoke up. "Legolas," he began. "I do not believe that it is in your best interest to join this fellowship. First of all, you were just running around naked last chapter, and second of all, your father will skin all of us alive and then hang us on the trees of Mirkwood by our testicals if we allow you to travel to Mordor."

Everyone nodded seriously, and as if what the ranger had just said made perfect sense, which it probably did considering how overprotective Thraduil was of his son. Elrond said in a matter of fact voice, "Yes, Aragorn is of course right in what he is saying. Not to mention that Rivendell has only just now regained it's alliance with Northern Mirkwood."

Frodo questioned, "Why was it lost before?"

Elrond sighed and answered, "I might have accidently told King Thranduil that my hair was more fabulous than his."

Boromir questioned, "But why was he-"

Legolas hit him on the head with his "badass," bow. "Silence, impudent fool!"

While poor Boromir rubbed his sore head and wondered to himself why no one seemed to love him, Legolas sashayed over to Aragorn, his hips that looked like they belonged on anything but an elf, swaying from side to side. He stood infront of the Ranger, an eyebrow raised. "Are you sure that you won't let me go to Mordor with y'all?"

Aragorn nodded. "Yes," he replied. "Unless Elrond has a differing opinion, then my decision remains unchanged."

Legolas smiled coyly, and stepped even closer to the man in front of him. "Oh," he replied. "I do believe that I can change it." As if in a sort of trance, all watched as the elf prince seated himself sideways on Aragorn's lap, his long legs danging off the side. He lifted up his arms and set them on either side of the ranger's head.

"Hey babe," he purred, edging his face closer to that of Aragorn's. "Come here often?"

Aragorn stood up abruptly, blushing. Legolas tumbled off with a very unmanly squawk. The ranger was red as he yelled at the elf on the ground.

"How could you possibly think that that was appropriate?! Do you not see that there are young ones watching?!" He threw his hand out in the direction of Merry and Pip. "And do you not see that Boromir cannot take the attractiveness of an elf prince?!"

Boromir stood up, his hand raised. "Dude, I'll take him if you don't want him."

A random elf stood up. "No! I am of his kind, I should get to have him!"

One by one members of the council stood up, yelling that they should indeed get to keep Legolas if Aragorn did not claim him as his own. It was when Gloin stood up that all sound ceased to exist.

"I will give 10 bags of diamonds to tap that ass!"

Gimli yelled, horrified. "Father!"

"Forgive me, son, but we all have our guilty pleasures. Mine just happen to involve elves."


	10. Chapter 10- Who's the Daddy

**May god have mercy on my soul. Just so you know, somewhat inappropriate chapter below. Read at your own risk. **

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_**10- I will not pretend to be with child, and then insist that one of my fellow council members is the father of it.**_

Everyone had grown tired, waiting for the arrival of the last council member, which just happened to be Legolas Green leaf, prince of Northern Mirkwood, royal pain in the ass, and self proclaimed Fashion Police.

Elrond had just decided to start the council without him, when the elf entered, and all eyes immediately turned to him. For, though he looked the same in many ways, same lovely blond hair, same bright blue eyes, and same pale complexion, there was one thing that was different...very different.

There was a large lump where his smooth stomach should have been. A lump that usually meant that one was...with child, so to say.

Elrond cleared his throat and inquired, "Legolas? Is there something you would like to tell everyone before we start?"

Legolas smiled warmly and walked to the front of the room. "Actually yes. For you see...I am with child. And I know not who the father is, but that he is in this very room."

Gandalf jumped up suddenly, face red. "I care not what anyone heard or saw, I did not fuck this elf! If anyone did, it would have been Aragorn!"

Aragorn dropped his sword and yelled back. "How dare you! I would never do such a thing!"

Boromir called back, "Not without first giving him some Pipe-weed to loosen him up, eh, Ara-horny?"

The ranger, as a last attempt to clear his name called back, "And who here smokes more than any of us?!"

All eyes turned to the hobbits, to which Bilbo replied, "And yet I lent some to the dwarves a while back!"

Gloin turned to his son. "Son, if there is something that you wish to admit to, now would be the time."

Gimli turned red and yelled, "Father! Do not insult me in such a way! We all know that Boromir has been eying that skinny twat since he first arrived here!"

All eyes turned to Boromir, and Aragorn said quietly, while shaking his head. "I should have known that you could not keep little, very little Boro under control."

Legolas laughed and pulled the pillow from his tunic, just as Boromir called out.

"Okay! I admit to it! I admit to bedding with Legolas, son of Thranduil on numerous occasions! And I take all responsibility for our spawn!"

Legolas stopped and stared at him. "Wait...what?"

"Never mind."


End file.
